Losing The Person You Loved The Most.

Losing someone is always hard. Sometimes it's harder then other times. Sometimes it's easier then other times. In my case, it was much, much harder. I lost my best friend. No. She wasn't my best friend. She was my sister. She was my other half. The one who I went to when I was about to breakdown crying. She was the one who made me laugh the hardest on my bad days. She stuck up for me when anyone talked crap about me. And she was always there for me when I needed someone to talk to. Now, she's the reason I breakdown crying. I have no more laughs on my bad days. She's the one who talks crap about me. But the one thing that's still the same, is that she's still here for me when I need someone to talk to. I know that it seems like why would I go to her if I needed someone, when she's the reason why I cry most of the time? But it's because we had such a sisterly bond. We said we were going to be by each others side no matter what happened. We always said forever & always. But I made one simple mistake. And that's all it took for her to decide she was done with me. My mistake was a promise that I broke. I promised her I wouldn't do any type of drug. But I went behind her back and broke that promise. And I wasn't the one to tell her that, either. Which probably hurt her the most. We got into the worst fight I had ever had with anyone. It was the most painful experience. To have to go thru the loss of my best friend. It still hurts to this day. But we don't hate each other. We talk. Sometimes. Just to say hi. It hurts to look at her. Because I knew her like no one else knew her. And now it's like we don't know each other at all. She taught me how to be strong. She taught me how to be happy. She taught me how pressing a blade to my skin every night wasn't the only way of dealing with my pain. And I thank her so much for that. I'm so thankful she was a part of my life. She was such a good friend to me. And I'm sad that I lost her. Sometimes I cry because I miss her. And sometimes I laugh because it's so stupid how we aren't friends because of one dumb decision. I don't know if she really even cares about losing me. But this is just how I feel. She'll always be my sister in my heart. Because once a sister, always a sister. And nothing can change that. I don't regret what happened between us. Because everything happens for a reason. So obviously this was meant to happen. And who knows, maybe someday we'll be friends again when we're older and more mature. But then again, maybe not. I love her. I miss her. I need her. Sometimes. I hope she stays strong, as she taught me to. I will never forget the memories<3.